everytime i see your name, hear your name, see your face in memories, photos and reality, all i wanna do is to turn back the clock, to the time.... i dont want to not know you, so i shall say, to the time when we could rlly share everything to each other, the times when we chat over the phone in the middle of the night for hours. can i ?
all i want now is for you to return my heart back to me as you have held it for too long. so that i will no longer be distracted, sad over this matter ever again. its been haunting me and it WILL continue to haunt me until the time when both of us have fully matured.
- Mood:
listless
For the past 3 months, i have been worrying about many things. things that i should not worry about and things that i should worry about.
its good to worry about things that you should worry about, but its becoming a very huge distraction to me.
I feel like i have no one else i can rely on besides my family. i have lost trust in many things. i have lost trust in some people, which left me with no one i can share my burdens to.
Everyone is just self-centered and competitive. Whatever you have said, they will try ways to make use of it. and you will end up being the one losing out again.
Yes, most people are two-faced. they can be your closest friends for many years, but they can ended up backstabbing behind your back,
They may be your closest friends for many years, but when they meet someone better and someone whom they can make use of, they will just put you aside. isnt it hurtful ? but they do not bother about your feelings, as long as they benefit something out of it.
When they ask you for help, you willingly help them, but when you need their help, they just take the easy way out by saying " im sorry. i dont know how to help."
you are just a tool for someone to make use of.
tool - a person manipulated by another for the latter's own ends.
anything used as a means of achieving an end.
- Mood:
worried
forget yesterday ? how ?
back then, if i know that this is going to happen, that you are going to step by step, slowly disappearing from my life, i would rather that i dont know you back then.. and know you now. so that i dont have to use so much of my energy, thinking of you and also trying to not to think of you, for the past years. its rlly exhausting. i know that we have to go our seperate ways as you have your own path and i have mine. im really fine with it and im actually really happy that your life is still going on smoothly. But do you have to leave me alone, and pretend like nth has happened when in fact so much has happened that i can never remove those memories.
- Mood: blank
yay! let me post! (: went to school in the morning. spent 2 hrs in school. but only 15 mins with the teacher and the rest of the time with the iphone and psp. hahahhaha! its been long since i last played dj max. had much craze for rhythem games today (Tap tap and dj max) with sucker and bai tong. had. my trial chinese oral done.. and not surprising, i failed. haha! okayy. i know i shouldnt laugh at this serious matter as the big one is coming in 2 weeks time. well, headed for NEA lifegroup! finally managed to attend lg as usually couldnt make it because of tuition.. lifegroup was enjoyable. (: well done NEA, and God, thank You (: went for dinner with wz and we chat laugh, and chat. :D wenzhen, its really nice talking to you. its been some time since i can talk to someone whom im rlly comfortable to share my past and my present with. thanks for being there for me. we talked abt spiritual stuffs and also princess's stuffs. i really thank God for placing you into my life.. and.. its a blessing, not a jinx. ;) <3 stay joyful and loving! (:
haha! im only allowed to use com for half an hour today and i've decided to use it to blog down abt someone lovable.- Mood:
bouncy
i cant believe that you actually had the cheek to laugh when you are in the wrong.
i cant believe that you can actually like what's going on..
this is the second scar that you have left on me.
since its the second scar, my trust level on you has gone down by 2.
- Mood: disappointed
It makes me smile when i know that you have achieved your goals, even though i found it out myself.
but, it makes me pout when i find out that you dont feel good on a particular day but yet i cant be there to lend you a shoulder or even lend you a listening ear just because i've no reason to be there right beside you. really, no reason.
and it may even give you a wrong idea.
but i dont know why you are just so meaningful to me. i think maybe even the most meaningful person besides my heavenly daddy, earthly parents and brother.
even though my heart isnt in love with you, i feel that even if you were to ring me up on a random moment, i will really rush down to look for you.
and im prepared since the day i fell in love with you.
"that moment's never coming back"
"been so long since we have been talking"
but i want to thank you for that time and the moments that we spent together. really. they are still kept in the small memory card in my mind. but i dont like to think of how our coincident our lives can be.. though some people say that its cool, but the thought of it always take away the smile off my face.
- Mood:indescribable
" is not that im friendless that im so desperate for your.. maybe not so worth friendship, huh. ;) "
- Mood:
satisfied
today is a great day! enjoyed the day with my bimbotic girlfriends and boyfriend(s)..
in the morning, everyone was so excited about DE.. talking about how to put on make up later, planning on how to use the 45 mins of preperation time etc etc..
till.. we get to the hall and listened to the bias julian lau talk on career portfolio.. and everyone was like..... falling into the "sleep" mode.
went NYP for a tour.. am in group E and the tour seriously sucks. group E's route was to the IT school, biz school and life science school... but... we spent hell lots of time in the IT school.. when the majority are not interested in the courses in IT.. and than went to biz school.. and only spent 10 mins there when most of us were interested in the courses there! like wth rights ? but well, poor time management then. hah. went to life science school, was interesting yet boring.. but everyone was in the chatty mode. haha. so everyone was chit-chatting among themselves... and i think the guide was pissed with us.. partly, we were super noisy.. heh.
finally came to the end of CELEBRATE LIFE SEMINAR.. and thats when i got super high.. haha. claud, jas, van and myself "hurried" back to school,, but actually didnt really hurry, but we were quite excited..
while walking back to school, we went super crazy.. and i enjoyed that time alot! its been long since all the girlfriends go crazy together.. and esp, the bimbotic ones. HAHA!
went to school, hurried to get a toilet, didnt plan to run.. but i went crazy with them and we all started running and screaming towards the ladies. in the toilet....... ' hurry here, hurry there, omgah, so hot!' was the only quote. heheh.
headed to serangoon gardens country club.. and had our WORKSHOP! :D
camwhor-ed, majority with high heels, some guys comaplaining that the girls were evil, to own them in height.. etc etc.
had a great and fun time with claudia, jasmine, vanessa, nick and a few others! (: and...... you're my eye-candy. (: hahahah.
feel so bimbotic today.. in the Bimbotic Club (BC) ? with the president of BC - Claudia. bimbo jasmine and bimbo vanessa..
waiting for many many people to upload the DE photos! :DD
she had a reasonable reason to get angry.
- Mood:
crazy
conflicts after conflicts... woah. now i know why im getting tired.. from school, solving conflicts and other works.
well, done with a conflict like 2 weeks ago... that one was because of maybe a slight misunderstanding between one another and other stuffs, which i couldnt remember anymore.
2weeks later, another conflict came about... still solving in progress.. but this.. requires effort and initiative taken.
and 3 days later... not a conflict that im involved in.. but just that.. my boyfriend is involved, and so i will be partially involved.. as he needs to share things with me.. and see if i can be of any help.. even small ones may do big stuffs. yeah.
but well, i just despise xxx, esp now that everything has gotten worse. she is like a girl, i shant call her a lady, without backbone.. all she can do is to drag her xx over to fight over stuffs, that i think will affect her own conscience. seriously.
and i thank God that i do not have such a friend like xxx.. who only know how to twist words.. and deny all she can to defend herself.
one who also do not know how to put herself into other people's shoes and just keep hurting her, what she calls "bestfriend", NON-STOP.
i thought that the victim was the one who cause her life to be in the current state, but i think that that her very "nice" friend of hers also do play a part.. it wasnt only about her personal life that cause her life now.
you can actually hurt that person so much, but still go laughing away, like as if nothing had just happen, when you are actually her "bestfriend" when even her normal friends, couldnt bare to lift a smile on their face. screwed.
- Mood:
infuriated
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initial_ly- Heidi Charlene Joyce!
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